From the Desk of Pretension & Perk

Dear PJ Harvey,
Stop hanging out with that John Parish punk.

Dear My Bloody Valentine,
Stop trying to preserve your precious mystique and do a real tour.

Dear Kanye West,
Stop dicking about with Auto-Tune and make a rap album.

Dearest Animal Collective,
Stop thinking that I'll masturbate to whatever you put out. You're close, but not quite at that point yet.

Dear Pixies,
Stop being flighty and decide whether or not you exist and are making music.

Dear Antony and the Johnsons,
Stop making music.

Love,
Andrew